again
I might actually be STICKING with it this time! Booya. Ain't that just crayzay? *anyways*...
Life is. Life-y. x_x;
Not much more to say than that.
I miss him. I miss them. Both of them. All of them. Ugh. Really. I did it to myself, so fuck it.
(Note to self: Go check that tree in Pokemon. You might get a munchlax)
- Mood:
nostalgic
And if I'm being honest with myself? I didn't want to break up with him. It was something I had to do, because it wasn't working. I wasn't happy, and there's no reason for me not to be. But then through breaking up with him (which should lead to moar happiness in the long run for both of us?) just has me feeling like shit. Not to mention, quite a few people who I thought were friends were just shooting me nasty looks today... Combine that with my red stain popping up unexpectedly and giving me the worst cramps I've had in... Forever. And this week sucks. Sucks. Sucks.
Dammit.
- Mood:
discontent
List form! Yes!
1) I love you. That's no lie. And it'll most likely stay that way for a long, long while.
2) Did I mention I love you? Okay. had to get that out.
3) How the hell am I nervous typing something? On to the actual list =x
4) You miss Storm. You love Storm. Waaaaay more than me xD. Deny it all you like, hon. It's obvious. And it sorta hurts. You guys have so much in common. You guys talk, you enjoy the same things, you guys fit together like puzzle pieces. Me and you are like similar pieces, but.. I think we're parts of different puzzles
5) I mean. It's not a bad thing that you love her. I just don't like being second to an ex.
6) We. Don't. Really. Talk. Like, yeah, we talk. Technically. About what? Near-to-nothing. Most of our conversations consist of "How're you?" because for some reason I can't think of anything to talk about with you. And then I got so tired of "Truth or Dare".. There are only so many truths or so many dares I can think of in a given year. I think I've given and recieved more truths and dares in this past month alone than I have in my whole life.
7) It's like your life came to revolve around me. I don't need that. I don't need to be the center of your universe. You don't need to know where I am every second of every day, and I don't need to know where you are every second of every day. You don't need to be with me 24/7. I mean, it's nice to hang out on weekends and occasionally after school. But I don't need that much.
8) Goodness, I knew I had more thoughts in my head... Ah, there they are.
9) Touching. Hugs among friends, yus. Kisses among friends? Occasionally. After that? Zippo. Zip. Nada. I don't need butt grabbing. I don't need you trying to slide your hand near my crotch when we're with friends. That's PDA.
10) TALKING about touching. Seriously? Private stuff. It needs to stay private. We hit third base early. WAY early. Yeah. Made you happy, and then sad when I said "lolno"... And, of course, you insisted on immediately letting all of the people around us know that we'd hit third base.
11) Me. I hate me. I don't know why I let other people around me. I keep too much stuff in, I need to start letting it out >_<;
12) The feeling is... Gone. I love you, but not in that way anymore
13) I didn't really even take the time to really know you when you asked me out =\. I didn't know you. You're a fun person to be around, really, but I'd rather have you as a friend than a boyfriend
You get the idea... I hope. Sorry that I'm bad at putting stuff in words in person. Guess I'm bad at doing it on the interwebs too =x (If you please, re-read points 1, 2, and 11...)
edit: 11/17/09.
God. I can't believe I actually did that. I'm sorry =x. I should've asked for time off, for a break. Ugh.
Somebody please shoot me.
- Mood:
distraught
We just... Don't have anything in common. We don't really talk. The only things we really do together? Watch movies and... Yeah.
Which we shouldn't be anywhere near. At all. Or talking about it! THat makes me so uncomfortable... ><;;
And then there's the question of what to do: Stick with it and hope that we grow together, or separate and be as depressed as I was all of this past Summer? Because I really do love him. I do. I just don't know why it's not working.
... At the start we were so seamless. Like perfect puzzle pieces. Now, for some reason, it's like one of us (probably me) got soggy, and is all swollen up. So now the puzzle pieces don't fit. And I don't know if I'm ever going to dry out =(.... (How's that for a shitty analogy? Booya...)
So! There goes my happiness for the day. Or at least the hour, haha.. Should cheer up before 5pm, when I get to go to Sara's house for her birthday =).. Hopefully.
For anybody who's reading this? Wow. I didn't know anybody actually read my public diary. "Cool stuff," huh?
- Mood: distressed
- Mood:
blah
So, what DOES matter to the school system of Stafford County? Besides keeping their pockets filled, and depriving the schools of happy things like PROPER DRAINING IN THE SUDENT PARKING LOT...
I don't know. I really don't know. It just pisses the fuck out of me that they make such stupid rules that prevent students from working to their full potential.
It's just bullshit.
Excuse my ramblings. I'll go back to work, now. Without my headphones. And guess what? The whole second half of this essay is going to be shit. I can almost guarantee it. (and NO, it will NOT be on purpose.)
- Mood:
bitchy - Music:THE SOUNDS OF PEOPLE SCREAMING ACROSS THE LIBRARY COS SILENCE MENAS NOTHING.
But. I love Hamel more. Hamel's good traits are just too awesome +_+
And, for some reason.... that demon form... OM NOM NOM I COULD EAT IT ALL UP (figuratively... Or whatever word you'd use)
One thing that frustrates me to no end throughout the whole damned series -- Both anime AND manga... Flute and Hamel never kiss =((. They barely even hug! What the hell.
- Mood:
bouncy
Oh well. LOL
It's pretty incredible. I'm not going to lie.
And then how interests change over the months, over the years... Allegiances (friends), habits, past-times...
- Mood: *blink blink*
The color's gorgeous in it's ways, yes. The color hides... ungodly shapes (and undesired curves), yes... But at the same time, it gets so boring. Black, black, black, I tire.
So! Today I got a new pair of jeans and three new shirts. It's a start. BRIGHT jeans, a sort of faded sky blue, and pink, blue, and green shirts (Hey, I just realized that's powerpuff girls! I guess I still love them that muchhh <33)! But. Back on to topic.
Colors feel more. Me. I'm trying to wake up and become somebody different. You know, it gets sort of tiring and boring always sitting in the corner reading. I mean, it's fun most of the time.. But I want to get "out there" more... Have a little fun...
Sorry! All this sentimentality (is that the right word?) is a wee bit unusual ^^;
- Location:on mom's computer
- Mood: nostalgic
- Music:"Nothing Lasts" from the soundtrack of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
And my heart keeps doing flip flops, I think it needs to be shot xD
Anyways. Love ya guys.
<3
Oh well! =)
- Mood:
smiling
Awesomely awesome.
G'nite.
- Mood:
sleepy
So. I'm sitting here being bored. AGAIN.
Also, I completely forgot we had that meeting for Latin today... lol. So I get to stay after school! Yeah! And call my mom and be like "LOLMOM I FORGOT TO TELL YOU..."... *sigh*
So that might not end entirely well xD. Probably going to be at school until like 7pm. Again. *long, drawn-out sigh*
So if anybody actually checks this thing (tonight, before I get home) I'm sorry for my lack of being-there. It's really, really not on purpose.
But yeah! LATIN MEETING!! THAT MEANS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT TRIP TO EUROPE THAT WE'RE DOING THIS JULY! ^___^
*happy* I'm really excited. Again. xD
And also, me and Kris, in my 4th block? Since this is world history, EVERY TIME something in france/italy gets mentioned (Pompeii, St. Peter's Basilica, the Notre Dame, the Louvre, ET CETERA), we freak out and do high fives xD. It's really sort of pathetic. In a hilarious way.
So apparently I'm going to be turning this into a "daily journal" once again, as long as I get to keep coming on during class time, because this is nice, being able to get stuff off of my chest again. if I'm pissed, I cool down. If I'm hyper, I calm down. If I'm... *BLAH*... I become happy/excited again xD.
it's neat.
So, bye guys. :)
So, in 3rd block (tech theater) today, we did some stage makeup. and rachel took revenge on me for Monday. IT WAS HILARIOUS. I'm an old fart! with WAY too many face-wrinkles! *sigh*
Oh well. It was fun(ny)
And I'm so sad. My teddy bear is sick today. Which means my super awesome hugs are sorta, uh... Not here!
It's sorta depressing, really.
I get way too obsessed, way too easily. I've noticed it, for real. I'll like, meet someone new, or start getting to know someone, and if I like them I just become obsessed... And when I say obsessed, I mean THEY ARE ALMOST ALL THAT I THINK ABOUT...
I've been daydreaming about this boy since September. It's sort of pathetic.
And then one day without him and I get half-depressed. Yeah. It's that bad.
Somebody slap me, please. I'm being such a girl xD
Anyways. Going to actually do my work. OLIVER CROMWELL, HERE WE COME~!!
- Location:MVHS, room... something
- Mood:
giggly
So. How's everything been? Decent.
What's life like? Lifey.
How's school? Homework-ey.
Uhh...
Yeah
I got a new teddy bear! ^o^
- Mood:
Pirate! Yaarrrr
My friends got me "hooked" onto this site called gaia, and it has a journal feature, too! Dx... LJ is still the preferred site. ALL THE WAY.
I'll post again... eventually... when I find something worthwhile to post about >__<;
.
Anyways.
Today, at school. There was a firedrill like half a minute before the bell would've rang to let us go to buses, right? So the WHOLE SCHOOL was out on the bus ramp, all 2000 of us. we stayed there for... what... 15-20 minutes? *sigh*
Worst part is: I saw a kid in the crowd with a Horde backpack. It was awesome.
(I am DEAD SERIOUS When I say I'm out of ideas. Bye, guys.)
.
- Mood: bored
And also, I'm becoming lax with my posts on here.
NOT TO MENTION I'm sort of out of ideas.
Getting my permit tomorrow ^__^
I'm excited.
Going to California for Christmas ^__^
I'm excited about that too.
*thinks*
Yeah, I think that's about it ...
EDIT: !!! A while ago I posted about my sister hitting Jessie. She didn't mean it .. and Jessie is perfectly fine. *phew* Felt like I ought to put that in.
.
- Location:Home~
- Mood: bouncy
- Music:Real Folk Blues .. (Cowboy Bebop)... xD
OK, so, some of my friends got me onto this site called gaiaonline, right? (http://www.gaiaonline.com ... my screenname is Hayllia), and my goodness, it's neat. It has a journal-thingie too! Nowhere near as awesome as LJ's journal system, but still fairly advanced compared to myspace and other sites. It has a nice forum, too, with how on the top of the page it'll show which threads are active AT THAT VERY MOMENT, and such ... but I still prefer LJ for the journal thing. I'll probably be posting a bit more over there though, so sorry if anybody actually looks at these things! =(
- Location:my house!
- Mood: hyper
- Music:Gaia Aquarium's music .. ROFL!!!
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